even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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