someone get that fucking seahorse.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
