I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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