remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
