dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
