You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
