My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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