It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm passing your future prison.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize