i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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