Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
