my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Never joke about your clitoris.
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