I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
