Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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