There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
