Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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