Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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