i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
