Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
