Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
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It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
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Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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