My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
