If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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