I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
