remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
