Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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