I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
