saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize