If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
