We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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