His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
