opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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