we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
