All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
