I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
