Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
