I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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