If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
