Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Randomize
