I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
