mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
