I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
BRING THE BAGELS
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize