remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
