I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
