your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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