Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
