One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
