Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
