Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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