I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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