Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i've created a new STD.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
