Non-Jews are for practice
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
