shes about as inviting as chlamydia
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
