Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
