your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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