dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
