She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You did what with his pubic hair?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
His nipple licking is glorious
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