he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
