She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
