One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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