It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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