So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
