This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
