Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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