your parents love me but you hate me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
