This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
