Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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