I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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