I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
wow bdsm is so cute
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