oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
