I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Congratulations! We have a period
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