Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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