hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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