Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
