The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
