i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
