def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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