We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
