God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
