Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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