I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
