I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
