Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is underappreciated
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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