no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
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